This piece was written for a one-minute play contest. The author, Patrick McGrath, is currently researching a book on team names and how they came to be.

“How The Phillies Got Their Name”

Two men in their late twenties, SKINNER, and SIMPSON, are in the men’s room of a large office building in Philadelphia, in 1883. Skinner is pacing back and forth, while Simpson is leaning on a sink.

SIMPSON: What do you have so far?

SKINNER: Well… nothing good.

SIMPSON: Well what? The old man is in there with the owner of the team right now.

SKINNER: (reads from list) The Matadors, The Elves, The Fairies, and The Giraffes.

SIMPSON: Ugh! Pardon me, Skinner, but those are terrible. Besides it’s suppose to relate to Philadelphia.

SKINNER: Okay, so I’m not civic minded. Just help me.

SIMPSON: (sighs) Alright.

SKINNER: Got to relate to Philadelphia. Okay… The Quakers. How about that?

SIMPSON: Too religious.

SKINNER: Okay… Ben Franklin. The Franklins… no, wait a minute! The Kites! The Ben Franklin Kites!

SIMPSON: Please! No!

SKINNER: Well what then! My wife will leave me if I lose my job.

SIMPSON: I don’t know.

(Cut to bathroom stall, a copy of the racing form lies on the floor of the occupied stall)

VOICE FROM STALL: The Phillies!

Silence. Simpson and Skinner look at each other. They nod their heads and leave.

---

Add this page to your favorite Social Bookmarking websites