The CEO of the useless information department Jayson Stark brings us this piece of baseball humor:

Lowe said that shortly before he signed with the Braves, he called his pal Maddux and told him, kiddingly: "I want to wear No. 31" -- which, of course, was Maddux's old number. For the record, while the Braves haven't retired No. 31, they also haven't given it to anyone else since Maddux exited.

I can safely say that if Derek Lowe fired that quip out there to most players, they would have laughed and then gone about the rest of their lives. But not Greg Maddux.

"Jokester that he is," Lowe chuckled, "he actually called the Braves and told them he would let me wear No. 31."

Maddux even sounded so earnest when he made that call, the Braves totally bought his act. So GM Frank Wren decided he had to intervene.

"I was getting ready to sign with the Braves when Frank texted me," Lowe said, "and he said, 'We have a problem here. We're not really going to give out No. 31.' Was there any other number I'd like to choose?"

So Lowe said he'd take No. 32 if he had to. And you'd have thought that would have been the end of this. But it wasn't.

The Braves were still so unsure who was kidding and who wasn't that when Wren arrived at Lowe's news conference, he got a call from media relations director Brad Hainje. And the question of the day was: "Which uniform are we using -- 31 or 32?" The GM was pretty sure he had the answer, but not quite sure enough.

"So I actually went to Derek at the press conference and said, 'Derek, what's this about 31? Are you really going to wear 31?' " Wren said. "And he looked at me like: 'What the heck are you talking about?' "

So obviously, Lowe is running around this spring, wearing No. 32. But he also has his very own Braves jersey with No. 31 on the back, as the ultimate souvenir. And somewhere (between pitching wedges, no doubt), Greg Maddux is still laughing.

Maybe I just don't get it, but why is that so funny? I'm pretty sure that the ever humble Greg Maddux really wouldn't mind Lowe wearing No. 31. Maybe the idea that Lowe would even consider wearing Maddux' old number is so ridiculous that it is funny, but the Braves reaction seems quite normal, does it not?

Anyway, there are much better stories of Greg Maddux out there.

Andy Marte, once the next superstar, has hit rock bottom. He has been designated for assignment by the Indians.

At age 25, Marte has played in 163 games and hit a paltry .221/.265/.337. That's bad, really bad. But if you look at his splits, his line against lefthanders from last year was .293/.379/.448 in 34 games. Not exactly all-star caliber and just a small sample size, but I would expect that several team could use a right-handed third baseman that's only 25 years old. Casey Blake hit .253/.313/.460 last season with the Dodgers and got $17.5 million for three years. Andy LaRoche has career stats of .184/.288/.277 in 111 games and will be the starting third baseman of the Pirates. He is a few days older than Marte, too.

If you ask me, there is something else behind that. The Tribe Daily offers some possible answer:

1.) There is another trade looming. Someone showed interest in Andy Marte and the Indians are getting ready to ship him out. For what? Nothing crazy, but if a 30 year old relief pitcher who was busted for PEDs is worth an Isaias Velasquez, I don't think I'm overvaluing a 25 year old power hitting third baseman that was once a top prospect.

Sure, we know he isn't what he was billed up to be, at least he won't be here, but that idea is still out there and someone would give up an Isaias Velasquez to find out, that's how baseball works. So I'm not overvaluing him, we following the team tend to undervalue him because we saw what kind of performance they put up. But there are other teams out there that feel the risk would be well-worth it if he reaches just half of what people thought he could be.

2.) Andy Marte pissed off Eric Wedge. Remember that quote the other day about some people not coming into camp in-shape? Remember how I put my money on Andy Marte being one of those players? If this is all true, I'd put even more money on this being a response to Marte's lack of commitment to getting in better baseball shape.

Maybe it's a combination of both. I would not designate a player for assignment just to teach him to stay in shape. But if a trade is in the workings, why not give Andy a little scar to set him straight?

Over at the Hardball Times, Craig Brown analyses which perennial loser has the best chances to finish with a winning record. The candidates are the Washington Nationals, the Baltimore Orioles, the Kansas City Royals and the Pittsburgh Pirates. The Nationals have done the most to improve the team on the market with the acquisition of Adam Dunn. However, the Nationals have also created new problems:

Already stocked with a plethora of corner outfield types, the additions of Dunn and Willingham add to the logjam. Dunn obviously will play somewhere — either left field or first base. If he’s at first, that displaces the oft-injured Nick Johnson, who could be trade bait. The top question in the Nats camp is whether Johnson can recapture the form he showed when he was last healthy in 2006; he hit .290/.428/.520 that year.

First baseman and defensively challenged corner outfielders are usually not too easy to trade, but in Anaheim, designated first baseman Kendry Morales is unproven and if he slumps through the early months, the Angels may be interested to take on Nick Johnson.

Regarding the "loser turns it around" question, my money is on the Kansas City Royals. While the Nationals may have improved the most, they were really, really bad and they still don't have any pitching. The Royals meanwhile have Zach Greinke and some servicable arms (Meche, Bannister) and while their offense is nothing to write home about, they have a solid lead-off man in David DeJesus, two young bats ready to take the next step in Alex Gordon and Billy Butler and they play in the rather mediocre AL Central. I'm not saying that the Royals will be this years Rays (Rockies, Tigers ...), but they have a good chance to be respectable.