|Swift Thinking - Are You Freaking Serious?|
Written by Rob Swift (Contact & Archive) on May 10, 2009
You know what would surprise me?¬† If a story broke about a player who didn't come up hot on a positive urinalysis; that would surprise me. You know what would floor me?¬† A player who admitted taking steroids.¬† Alas, sometimes I dream the impossible dream.
How appropriate is it that Manny Ramirez was caught using in the present.¬† What planet does this guy live on?¬† Apparently they don't receive newspapers in his world. It wouldn't surprise me for a second if he said he wasn't aware of a steroid epidemic in baseball. He's like a fart in a blizzard sometimes; just floating around reality.
He literally said that his physician prescribed him medication for a "personal health issue" which the Doctor apparently thought was "OK to give me".¬†
You know how long it took for me to find out that human chorionic gonadotropin, (HCG), was a banned substance?¬† Less than two minutes; it's on the front page of the Player's Union website under "Joint Drug Agreement". I literally just "googled" it and there it was. Then again, this whole "Information Superhighway" thing is just now becoming relevent so maybe his physician did not have access.
Last time I checked, I am not a physician, nor do I play one on TV.¬† However, I am constantly reminded that I resemble Hugh Laurie's character, "House" so who knows. But if you are a man and your personal health issue requires you to take HCG, I would think baseball would not be the most important thing in your life.¬† Again, I just look like "House".
I'm just sick and tired of these guys coming up with the lame excuses and nobody calls them on it. I would say that they must have balls the size of church bells, but according to the American Medical Association, one side effect of HGH is testicular shrinkage.¬†¬†
On the other hand, when used after a cycle of steroids, HCG helps to restore "normal" testicular size.¬† Wait a second, we may be on to something here.
Maybe the problem is not my perceived audacity by what I deem as lame excuses; there might just be a real problem here. Maybe there is a real emergency. Maybe, just maybe, their testicles have grown so large that they no longer the ability to recognize reality.
It is an epidemic; when a player gets caught or accused of "juicing", they immediately produce unacceptable levels of excuses. Think about it. Sammy Sosa suddenly forgets how to speak English.¬† Mark McGuire doesn't want to talk about the past, Alex Rodriguez cannot remember what he used but can recall when he used.¬† Rafael Palmeiro said Miguel Tejada gave him a tainted B-12 shot.¬† Jose Canseco becomes literate.
This could be serious; I had better watch some more episodes of "House."